Writers Are Like Cows

Now hold on. Just go with me on this for a second. I'm not trying to insult writers. I'm a writer. Or trying to be, at least.

Writers are like cows, and writers' agents are like farmers. Now, as cows, we produce junk that is (hopefully) desirable and able to turn a profit. The farmers are the ones, however, who handle that junk and strike a deal with a company that specializes in junk, a company who takes junk in, processes it, turns out a finished product, and sees it out to the market where the consumers can get at it.

But if us cows don't trust our farmers, we might try to leave the farm and to do the farmers' jobs ourselves. Of course, we won't really know what we're doing. I mean, we're cows. Cows trying to do the work of a farmer while still producing junk that the junk-companies want. Maybe, over time, we might be able to figure it out and mutate into some kind of half-cow, half-farmer of ultimate doom, but certainly in the mean time, we'll discover that doing the work of a person AND a cow is a lot of freaking work. And to presume ahead of time that we can pull off such a feat is just downright arrogant. And we shouldn't be arrogant. We're cows. Cows should be humble. Arrogance makes the junk taste all sour and gross.

But yes, there is a bit of a dilemma for us cows. We need farmers whom we feel are competent and trustworthy. And if you get one bad farmer, you might start to hate all farmers, even though you really could use a good farmer on your side. So it's tough, trying to get yourself a good farmer, especially when you're just a cow who doesn't know any better. I mean, what's a poor cow to do? All we wanna do is produce junk in peace and be able to live on for a little while longer; but certainly, there aren't many things worse than realizing too late that your farmer has been mishandling your junk.

AHAHAHA. K, I'm done.